Please post one or two thesis statements
Remember: good writing is simple, direct and CLEAR, focusing on your IDEA; your idea should not be obfuscated by “thick” or ambiguous language.
USE PRESENT TENSE
Revise by highlighting all TO BE verbs; prepositional phrases; who, which, that clauses. Look carefully to see whether you need those groups of words, or are they cluttering your sentences?
NO Fluff!
NO plot summary
Write a POSITIVE thesis (don’t use a negative in your thesis).
Even though statistics indicate that 8 hours of sleep are important for young people, Marlborough girls, in their frenzy to earn high grades in order to get into ivy league colleges when they are seniors, drink coffee and take “pep” pills in order to “enhance” their performance.
REVISION:
Frantic and grade conscious, Marlborough girls stay up too late, compromising their health for an insignificant mark on a piece of paper.
PLEASE POST ONE or Maximum 2 thesis statements.
Revise it/them before you post.
Make sure you have a “what” and a “so what?”
Ask yourself “What am I really trying to say?”
Try to read the subtext as well as the text. Example:CHOOSE ONLY ONE: Is “Say Yes” about marriage, communication, race, relationship challenges, the ridiculousness of hypothetical questions?
And, as Henry David Thoreau implores : Simplify. Simplify. Simplify.”
May 6th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
The epiphany that her husband’s “death” will result in her freedom changes Mrs. Mallard, a frail and timid woman, permanently. She becomes a woman unafraid to live her life to the fullest and claim the freedom she had unconsciously craved.
~CFH
klein, I’m betting that because you posted this so late, most people won’t submit their thesis’s. Can we just go over them in class again?
May 6th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
My Thesis:
In “The Lesson” by Toni Cade Bambara, another world a few blocks from her own shocks Sylvia into a realization that poverty and ignorance are a life sentence. However, as the awareness of the opportunities education can create become clear to Sylvia while she ventures into this parallel universe, Sylvia better understands that her “chance to pursue happiness” (Bambara 66) is just as good as anyone else.
Comments?
Thanks Emily
May 6th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Klein–
I’m a little worried about my thesis… is it arguable? I can’t tell…
~cfh
May 6th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
As much as Sylvia dreads her exposure to the foreign world of wealth, “the lesson” forces her to exchange her stubbornness for important knowledge and a new perspective on life.
~ Lauren
May 6th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Tobias Wolff, in Say Yes, proves that everyone, no matter ones background or the color of your skin, enters marriage as two strangers, and has just as much chance at failure as anyone else.
-Ariella
May 6th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
In Say Yes by Tobias Wolff, marriage is portrayed through character, style and setting, as a relationship that cannot work if people come from different backgrounds. However, one’s background does not affect marriage because if people have love, any problem can be solved.
I have my thesis, but I’m not sure exactly where to go from here?
Annie
May 6th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
my thesis!! –
Although complacent in her feeling of superiority among her peers, Sylvia crosses a social boundary into an unknown world exposing her true inner inferiority. However, she realizes a way to rise up against the weight of her belief that money buys success and, ultimately, happiness.
please comment : ]
GABY
May 6th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Emily: I really like your thesis; I think it has a what and a so what. It seems a little long though, maybe you should cut it down.
Ariella: I think you have a good opinion, but you’re missing the observation. Kinda strange, seeing as most people omitt their opinions from a thesis.
Good job so far! I feel like klein now…
~cfh
May 7th, 2008 at 5:51 am
The epiphany that her husband’s “death” will result in her freedom changes Mrs. Mallard, a frail and timid woman, permanently. She becomes a woman unafraid to live her life to the fullest and claim the freedom she had unconsciously craved.
RECOMMENDATIONS: BEGIN SENTENCE WITH “A FRAIL, (TRADITIONALLY MEEK), WOMAN, MRS. M CHANGES PERMANENTLY WHEN, FOLLOWING HER HUSBAND’S “DEATH,” SHE AWAKENS TO LIFE’S POSSIBILITIES, UNAFRAID TO LIVE HER LIFE FULLY AND CLAIM THE FREESOM SHE AHS CONSCIOUSLY CRAVED. (nice alliterative pair!)
I odn’t mean for the meek phrase to be in parenthses, it’s a suggestion for a whord change. Her traditional and unrealized desires are significant becasue they are unrealized…they have always been there, but have been supressed in her marriage. Changing the order, seems to make for better “flow.” What do you think?
In “The Lesson” by Toni Cade Bambara, another world a few blocks from her own shocks Sylvia into a realization that poverty and ignorance are a life sentence. However, as the awareness of the opportunities education can create become clear to Sylvia while she ventures into this parallel universe, Sylvia better understands that her “chance to pursue happiness” (Bambara 66) is just as good as anyone else.
RECOMMENDATIONS: IN TONI CADE BAMBARA’S “THE LESSON,” FACING PERCEIVED LIMITATIONS IS THE START OF SOMETHING BIG. THEN, START WITH THE MOST INTERESTING AND “GRABBER” PART OF THE CLAIM: REALIZING THAT POVERTY AND IGNORANCE ARE A “LIFE SENTENCE,” SYLVIA ULTIMATELY SEES THAT EDUCATION CAN OPEN DOORS INTO A NEW WORLD.
Shorter…the other information can and should be included in the body.
As much as Sylvia dreads her exposure to the foreign world of wealth, “the lesson” forces her to exchange her stubbornness for important knowledge and a new perspective on life.
SUGGESTION: DO YOU NEED “her” in the first phrase? Otherwise –EXCELLENT!
Tobias Wolff, in Say Yes, proves that everyone, no matter ones background or the color of your skin, enters marriage as two strangers, and has just as much chance at failure as anyone else.
RECOMMENDATIONS: AS IS, THE THESIS IS “NEGATIVE” AND WILL BE DIFFICULT TO PROVE. I HAVE TALKED WITH SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT THIS SAME STORY…IS THE STORY REALLY ABOUT MARRIAGE, OR IS IS ABOUT ASSUMPTIONS IN RELATIONSHIP? THE ASSUMPTIONS THE NARRATOR HAS ABOUT HIS WIFE ARE THE BEGINNING OF THEIR DISAGREEMENTS AND LEAD TO SERIOUS REPERCUSSIONS. ALSO, WHAT PLACE DOES RACE, AS AN AREA OF DISAGREEMENT, HAVE IN THE NARRATOR’S ASSUMPTIONS? WHY DO YOU THINK SHE (WIFE…I CAN’T RECALL HER NAME) CHOOSES TO PROVOKE HIM BY USING RACE. DO YOU THINK SHE KNOWS HIM BETTER THAN HE KNOWS HER? IS THAT SIGNIFICANT? AFTER HE HAS SAID “YES,” WHAT HAS C\HANGED IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP? WHAT DO YOU THINK WOLFF IS TRYING TO GET YOU/US TO THINK ABOUT?
In Say Yes by Tobias Wolff, marriage is portrayed through character, style and setting, as a relationship that cannot work if people come from different backgrounds. However, one’s background does not affect marriage because if people have love, any problem can be solved.
I HOPE THIS WILL NOT DISCOURAGE OR OFFEND YOU, ANNIE, BUT THE WAY YOU HAVE SAID THIS IS NOT PARTICULARLY COMPELLING. YOU WANT THE READER TO REACT…YOU WANT (AS THE WIFE DOES) TO PROVOKE A RESPONSE. THINK MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT ME/OTHERS TO RESPOND TO … HOW WAN YOU FRAME YOUR THESIS SO THAT IT WILL “GET” SOMEONE WHO HAS ANOTHER OPINION? READ MY COMMENT ABOVE. IT PERTAINS TO YOU TOO SINCE IT IS ALSO ABOUT “SAY YES.” I REALLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO RECONSIDER THE ISSUE THAT WOLFF IS TRYING TO GET US TO THINK ABOUT. BACKGROUND SEEMS TO BE LESS SIGNIFICANT IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP THAN HIS STUBBORN (?) BELIEF THAT HE KNOWS HIS WIFE AND SEEMS TO BELIEVE THAT SHE FEELS AS HE DOES ABOUT SOME SIGNIFICANT ISSUES INCLUDING RACE AND INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. GIVEN THE TIME THE STORY WAS WRITTEN, THIS WAS A PRETTY “HOT” TOPIC. THE STORY DOES SEEM TO MAKE HIS POSITION SEEM “WRONG.” IS THERE A DEFENSE FOR HIS POSITION? WAHT WOULD IT BE? CLEARLY you BELEIVE THAT RELATIONSHIPS CAN WORK IF THERE IS LOVE. I SUGGEST THAT RELATIONSHIP OFTEN TAKES MORE THAT “JUST” LOVE…THNK ABOUT WHAT SOME OF THE OTHER QUALITIES ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT WORKS.
May 7th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Cool and collected, Dee “Wangeroo”sidles back into her family’s life in order to claim possessions that will convince herself that she is sophisticated. Her new lifestyle taints her family’s view of her, causing them to realize that she is far from following their tradition and values.
That’s my thesis.
-Bailey
May 7th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Colette: your thesis is really good…
Annie: I think you have a great idea…but maybe you could word it differently. I think it’s really good though.
(sorry if klein already said that)
-bailey
May 7th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
miwa’s thesis on harrison bergeron
Diana Moon Glampers symbolizes restriction and sacrifices needed to be made for this dream of an equal world and brings us to wonder, what do we really want?
May 7th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Re: to annie’s thesis
Hiiii annie. just a few comments about the thesis. in the section where you say “marriage is portrayed through character, style, and setting,” is this part needed, and if so i don’t really understand what it is saying. also i didn’t really think that ’say yes’ was a story so much about love rather than racism and prejudices.
these are just my thoughts, not necessarily correct.
okay good luck!
miwa
May 7th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Bailey–
sp: Wangero…”that will convince her taht she is sophisticated…this does not strike me as the best way to describe her return. Look at the story and see if you can find better language to describe her motivation. (I know we talked about this, but I have changed my mind!)
Great use of the broccoli sheet!
Miwa–
“needed to be made” PASSIVE
“for this dream of equality” which dream? locate idea in the context of the story…I am not in your head; you need to make sure that I understand the path you are taking.
What DO we really want. Rather than posing this as a question of sorts, use your answer to ground your thesis in the story.
EX: Kurt Vonnegut challenges the reader to come to grips with a world where sacrifice for the idea of equality turns toward evil. The demands of the state eliminate individuality and push us to consider the efficacy (look it up!) of equality. Harrison Bergeron challenges the the state radically. Extreme actions on either end of a continuum result in ??? (you figure it out!)
Anyone else have a thesis yet?
May 7th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
One would think that in a fantasy, a writer can show every aspect of imagination. However in this story there lies a message of how humans dismiss what seems to be impossible. In Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s story of magical images such as oversized spiders and a man with wings, he shows how narrow the human mind can be and how we often don’t accept what is right in front of us.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Through “Say Yes,” Tobias Wolff shows the readers that marriage does not necessarily mean that you know everything about your loved one. This story explains the coming out of true opinions and emotions. Through Wolff’s eyes, the man and wife come to realize that they have a truly different view of race and equality.
May 7th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I think that Emily’s thesis is really good, but a little wordy, maybe try to simplify it.
Ariella, I really like your thesis. It is straight to the point and it explains just what you are trying to express.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:52 am
mary:
i think that you should use something else other than “coming out”
what exactly does the author say about marriage? that all men and women have different views or just some…
bailey:
your thesis really good!! maybe you can briefly say what her family’s view of her was before she left so like “taints her family’s view of her as…causing them to realize…”
-GABY
May 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am
In “The Fog Horn,” Bradbury uses strong imagery to convey feelings of loneliness, desertion, and the yearning to belong.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
mary…
Eliminate “you.” “This story explains the coming out of true opinions and emotions.” The sentence doesn’t “flow.” how about something simpler:
IN “Say Yes,” Tobias Wolff reveals opinions and emotions about race in the context of a marriage.
“Through Wolff’s eyes, the man and wife come to realize that they have a truly different view of race and equality.” Is this a an observation or an opinion? You have a WHAT: THERE ARE PROBLEMS IN THE MARRIAGE. YOu need a SO WHAT?
THINK ABOUT THESE QUESTIONS:
What, if anything, does the narrator learn in the course of his conversation iwth his wife, Ann?
How do you think the end of the story is related to what he does or doesn’t understand about her?
YOU ARE HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, BUT YOU STILL HAVE WORK TO DO…I WILL CHECK MY EMAIL TONIGHT ABOUT 8:00, SO TRY TO MAKE SOME REVISIONS.
How is he to blame for his trouble with Ann?
SARA, O, ANNIE, MIWA…WHAT HAVE YOU ENDED UP WITH? Please send me your thesis tonight, even if you think I know what you are doing…
ANYONE ELSE? TAYLOR? EMILY, ANNA? I want to see your theses; please send them tonight. thanks.
May 10th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Often times, the detailed picture a writer paints is so powerful that the reader can feel the emotion, or visualize the scene the author is trying to portray. The power of imagery is an important tool that immerses readers into the story. In “The Fog Horn,” Ray Bradbury uses strong imagery to convey feelings of desertion, loneliness, and the yearning to belong.
(last sent. is thesis)
May 10th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
oh yeah and this is sara
May 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am
this is great! All you have to do now, is writing it. Are you clar about how you are going to organize it?
klein